Sometimes expressions like "he is afraid of conflict" are used in a derogatory way about others. In fact, most people feel a little afraid when irritations are expressed, voices are raised, eyebrows are raised, judgments, demands and perhaps even threats are conveyed.
Fear of conflict reflects the fact that real and important needs are in turmoil and there is concern that they will be even less met if we talk about it. When we remember that others can be afraid in the heat of the moment - and that this can be perfectly natural - we can also find a degree of gentleness. Compassion for others is an important component of all conflict management.
In human history, conflict has sometimes meant exclusion and, most dramatically, death. That charge is likely to remain in our system, no matter how much theoretical knowledge we have on the subject, so proceed with caution.
If you would like to know more about how you can be a third party when others are in conflict, take a look at our online mediation program here.